Aug 16, '08 10:36 AM (The Break-up)
Good night my shooting star...
Finally, the day that I’ve been expecting and trying to accept came.
It happened yesterday, August 15, 2008, at a bar at the back of Mcdonalds, Bocaue, Bulacan.
“Caught in the act!” I said to myself. He was with this girl that I acquainted with a long time ago… actually, ex siya ng isang friend ko.
Then the confrontation happened. I was the first one to instigate the conversation. Both of them followed me outside the bar. I was a bit drunk that time, but not too drunk to forget that incident. But I was drunk enough to ignore the drizzle outside. My “bitchy” mode was on though.
“Kelan pa?” was my first question. He answered with no hesitation, “September pa last year.” I was shocked to hear that answer. He’s been fooling around with me for almost a year! I want to burst out, curse him and tell him that he’s the devil. But I was taken aback when I heard his next answer.
“Buntis siya. 2 months na.” I turned to the girl beside me. She was so quiet, have no idea what to say or explain.
After I heard that, I felt a dagger pulled out of my chest. I told them, “Ganito na lang… Yung sa amin ni Lance, hindi na maaayos yun. Let’s settle this. (looking at the girl) hindi ako galit sayo. Ang ayoko lang yung liar, yun pa naman ang pinaka-ayoko. Wala na kong magagawa diyan, nandiyan na yan. (to Lance) Just promise me to take care of your child; it’s a full responsibility. Whatever happened to us before, let’s just leave it in the past. You know naman that our friendship is more important than any other relationships we had, dun tayo nagsimula eh. Oo, dapat nagagalit ako ngayon. But I can’t, maybe because I let all my anger out before. I was waiting for this moment to arrive. Now it has been done, I’m more relieved. Yes, I may mourn after this. But I know I’ll be fine after. I’ll try myself to move on. I have to.”
We shake hands to close the conversation. I also shake hands to the girl and said, “Don’t worry, I’m not mad, promise. Just take care of each other.”
After the confrontation, I went to our table and said, “Bhalot, mark this day as Rima’s official singlehood day! Welcome to the Singles Club!” and we had fun during the gig. We didn’t finish the gig though, coz I have classes tomorrow and Bhalot will have her training for Sportsfest.
When I arrived home, I directly went to my room and sob all night long. I haven’t sleep yet ‘til now.
I went to school as early as 7am. I was restless last night. I want to go somewhere just to ease the pain. My plan was to go directly to Ma’am Aby for consultation and guidance. Sadly, she’ll be arriving later in the afternoon. I was holding back my tears, hiding the pain I feel. Good thing our technical adviser came to the rescue. We went some place and burst it all out to him. I was sobbing and bawling to him, kulang na lang mag-sagwan na siya sa kakaiyak ko.
He consoled me and gave me advice. He said that he admired me for the confrontation I’ve made. Few girls can only do that thing. After that I asked him to give me some time alone. I composed myself for a few minutes and went on with my duty.
Realization? Hmm… First of all, I’ll admit that I’ve been blinded by the love and promises that he gave me before. Yun ang pinanghawakan ko sa kanya. Then all of a sudden it all crashed down and been thrown away on a manhole. Secondly, aaminin ko na rin na tanga talaga ako sa pag-ibig. Oo, emo na kung emo, pero yun talaga. The love doctor is also a love patient herself. Ewan ko ba, bakit kaya ganon noh?
Thirdly, I’m proud to say that I’m more mature than them. As our technical adviser said, few girls can only do that kind of confrontation. I was even asking the girl if the baby is all right and all. Walang halong kaplastikan. Promise. Walang biro. Kahit na bitchy ako that night. Kitang-kita sa kanya that he was so immature dahil iniiwasan niya yung ganong pag-uusap. Parang gusto na niyang tapusin. But I insist. I need answers to my lingering questions.
Fourth, maybe natawa kayo dun sa part na I cried after having a blast at the gig. Well, di natin maiiwasan yun. It’s part of the process. I’m not human kung hindi ako iiyak after that incident, right? I cried coz I was sad, nanghihinayang and I was hurt. Tapos.
Lastly, the moving on issue… di ko kayang pilitin ang sarili ko na mag-move on. Parang niloloko ko lang sarili ko non. I’ll take it step by step. I have all the time to mourn and weep. Part ng process yun, lalo na kung first serious relationship mo yun. I’m still thankful that he came to my life. Coz that incident helped me be strong, fierce, and more mature. Sa pagiging optimistic naman, at least I wasn’t the one who got pregnant. And it’s a sign (na di ko nakita dati) that he doesn’t deserve my love. Diabetic eh, masyado kasi akong sweet (corny).
Tanggap ko na we’re friends. Ok na yun. Nasaktan lang talaga ako. But I’m soooooooo relieved talaga!
This will be the last time I’ll ever talk about him. Pagod na kong mag-take ng bitter pills.
Sa ngayon I’m good. Kailangan ko lang ilabas ito so I can go on with my work and studies. Ayokong may hadlang. Tsaka daming nakakapansin na pumapayat ako. No rice diet really works, ayiiiiiiiiii…
Welcome to the Singles Club! Yeah baaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr giiiiiiiiiiiiiiig…
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