Oct 21, '08 12:31 PM
This song has been playing on my mind for a week now, and I still have no plans of changing it.
I'm in a crisis, deep crisis. I need a miracle.
"It's been too many nights
It's been too many nights
It's been too many fights..."
Sembreak, end of the semester that I curse. Everything's sinking in now.
I started my first semester as a Student Assistant, with hell as my office and Lucifer's succubi as bosses. Don't forget golumn as my co-worker.
I tried and struggled to do what they please. I did everything to survive in their discerning looks and gestures whenever I did something wrong. I tried to be deaf whenever they have their conference on what to cook for another gossip recipe. Salvation was hard to find...
And there's my yaya who's in her late-50's disguised as a mid-30-i-look-so-young-i-don't-look-like-I'm-in-menopause. I tried to understand her features and personality. I tried to like her. But I guess when occasional menopause hits you, no "friend" or favoritism is an excuse.
Through this semester I've been sleepless and reckless because of this. Too many debates and fights in my head regarding this issue, aside for the in-demand and impromptu projects that you need the skills of David Blaine to do it. I thought these creatures only exist in fairy tales and in the government, but I forgot that where I work is the government of the institution that I'm into. The high-profit, low-quality institution I'm into. I like to learn, but I will never learn with this kind of institution. Only a handful of people only survived to strengthen the weak and to feed the minds of the oppressed. I like to learn, but I will never be proud of this institution.
Ive made my decision. I will never go back there. I don't want to be part of hell.
"It's been too many years
Been too many years
Please don't interfere..."
It's been 2 months since the incident happened. Ans as I see it, everything's smooth-sailing. New friends came, old friends were there again to feed me new updates, old guy friends were there to show some anticipation... it's all good. And the better part is, he and I started to communicate again. It's all good.I'm just glad that we can start all over again as friends.
But I can't change the fact that every time I see his face in any form, the shadow of that incident still crawls on the four edges of my room and still creeps in my spine. Rage was still there to accompany me, telling me that it is normal to be violent and all. But rage was not my option.
I still don't have the assurance that I am over it and have moved on, coz I can still feel the wound that has left me, and it gives me that stabbing pain every time I see them together.
But I remain thankful, coz that whirlwind experience is finally over and I found out who my true friends are.
I don't lick my wounds, I celebrate them. I'm in a lion fight, generally. Just because I didn't win, doesn't mean I don't know how to roar.
I remain humble. I am ok. I'm picking myself again from that incident. I can do this.
"It's been too many rides
It's been too many rides
I just wanna slide...
It's been too many words
It's been too many words
It's getting absurd..."
I've been out on the road for quite some time now, going to places I've never been to. Going to events that I'm dying to go to, watching and hunting for gigs that are raw, new and fresh. Thanks to my new found friends and family Thundertorta for inviting me to their gigs and escapades.
But I still want to find that place that I can call my comfort zone. Where I can escape and be my self for just a day or a couple of weeks. I need to slide. I need to find that best place.
Recently I had an argument with one of their band members. I'm still hoping that we can settle things up. I have my flaws, and I do apologize. I just wanna help them.
"There's been plenty of flash
There's been plenty to catch
There's been plenty to trash..."
I'm in a mess right now, with a bag of problem and frustration chips to eat.
This is the stage were college senior students tend to think of their future after academics. This is the stage were students experience their "last-year syndrome", wee they feel tired and lazy studying coz they think, "what's the point of being eager? I'm graduating anyway." This is were college senior students ask themselves, "I'm a graduate now... so what's next?"
I'm part of the club. Welcome me.
That's why I'm planning earlier for my future. I'm trying to find a job s after I graduate, I will not be culture-shocked on the real world. Kinda rushing things up, but at least it's now or never.
I have a lot of things to catch up. I know I can do this. I know I can surpass this crisis of mine.
I know I can be the one I wanna be. I know I can get there.
"I'll be getting there soon
I'm getting there soon
Thanks to the moon.
And i can't wait to get home
I can't wait to get outta here..."
P.S. I know there will be grammatical glitches in this blog. I can't concentrate coz I'm in a public place where people are so mad cursing their opponents on their tube. Maybe I'll edit it next time.
My apologies.
I'm in a crisis, deep crisis. I need a miracle.
"It's been too many nights
It's been too many nights
It's been too many fights..."
Sembreak, end of the semester that I curse. Everything's sinking in now.
I started my first semester as a Student Assistant, with hell as my office and Lucifer's succubi as bosses. Don't forget golumn as my co-worker.
I tried and struggled to do what they please. I did everything to survive in their discerning looks and gestures whenever I did something wrong. I tried to be deaf whenever they have their conference on what to cook for another gossip recipe. Salvation was hard to find...
And there's my yaya who's in her late-50's disguised as a mid-30-i-look-so-young-i-don't-look-like-I'm-in-menopause. I tried to understand her features and personality. I tried to like her. But I guess when occasional menopause hits you, no "friend" or favoritism is an excuse.
Through this semester I've been sleepless and reckless because of this. Too many debates and fights in my head regarding this issue, aside for the in-demand and impromptu projects that you need the skills of David Blaine to do it. I thought these creatures only exist in fairy tales and in the government, but I forgot that where I work is the government of the institution that I'm into. The high-profit, low-quality institution I'm into. I like to learn, but I will never learn with this kind of institution. Only a handful of people only survived to strengthen the weak and to feed the minds of the oppressed. I like to learn, but I will never be proud of this institution.
Ive made my decision. I will never go back there. I don't want to be part of hell.
"It's been too many years
Been too many years
Please don't interfere..."
It's been 2 months since the incident happened. Ans as I see it, everything's smooth-sailing. New friends came, old friends were there again to feed me new updates, old guy friends were there to show some anticipation... it's all good. And the better part is, he and I started to communicate again. It's all good.I'm just glad that we can start all over again as friends.
But I can't change the fact that every time I see his face in any form, the shadow of that incident still crawls on the four edges of my room and still creeps in my spine. Rage was still there to accompany me, telling me that it is normal to be violent and all. But rage was not my option.
I still don't have the assurance that I am over it and have moved on, coz I can still feel the wound that has left me, and it gives me that stabbing pain every time I see them together.
But I remain thankful, coz that whirlwind experience is finally over and I found out who my true friends are.
I don't lick my wounds, I celebrate them. I'm in a lion fight, generally. Just because I didn't win, doesn't mean I don't know how to roar.
I remain humble. I am ok. I'm picking myself again from that incident. I can do this.
"It's been too many rides
It's been too many rides
I just wanna slide...
It's been too many words
It's been too many words
It's getting absurd..."
I've been out on the road for quite some time now, going to places I've never been to. Going to events that I'm dying to go to, watching and hunting for gigs that are raw, new and fresh. Thanks to my new found friends and family Thundertorta for inviting me to their gigs and escapades.
But I still want to find that place that I can call my comfort zone. Where I can escape and be my self for just a day or a couple of weeks. I need to slide. I need to find that best place.
Recently I had an argument with one of their band members. I'm still hoping that we can settle things up. I have my flaws, and I do apologize. I just wanna help them.
"There's been plenty of flash
There's been plenty to catch
There's been plenty to trash..."
I'm in a mess right now, with a bag of problem and frustration chips to eat.
This is the stage were college senior students tend to think of their future after academics. This is the stage were students experience their "last-year syndrome", wee they feel tired and lazy studying coz they think, "what's the point of being eager? I'm graduating anyway." This is were college senior students ask themselves, "I'm a graduate now... so what's next?"
I'm part of the club. Welcome me.
That's why I'm planning earlier for my future. I'm trying to find a job s after I graduate, I will not be culture-shocked on the real world. Kinda rushing things up, but at least it's now or never.
I have a lot of things to catch up. I know I can do this. I know I can surpass this crisis of mine.
I know I can be the one I wanna be. I know I can get there.
"I'll be getting there soon
I'm getting there soon
Thanks to the moon.
And i can't wait to get home
I can't wait to get outta here..."
P.S. I know there will be grammatical glitches in this blog. I can't concentrate coz I'm in a public place where people are so mad cursing their opponents on their tube. Maybe I'll edit it next time.
My apologies.
No comments:
Post a Comment